They tell me to talk out loud to you. That you'll start to recognize my voice. I gotta admit, by myself I feel weird doing that. When I'm by myself it's almost like I shut down on the outside so I get to live solely on the inside (which is pretty much my favorite). A robot with a human heart. I think this voice (my writing voice) is often times much more my true voice than anything else. So for the moment, I'll use this voice to talk to you. Maybe one day you will read this. Maybe not. I hope if not you will still know these things I want to tell you because I will have told you. Or showed you by example. Or taught you. Or all of the above.
The things I want you to know are many. I'll simply begin. I could write volumes and there would be volumes more. Because basically I've waited my whole life to "talk" to you! That's a long time for thoughts to pile up. I'll just start with a few for now:) You're welcome, wink wink.
I want you to know that the pursuit of joy is far greater than the pursuit of happiness.
They are so close but so very different. You'll be able to find true joy when you're walking with God. The world is going to roll it's eyes and tell you we just get this one chance and that's it. That the idea of God is just a band aid to console the lesser minds and the weak. That if you open yourself up to enlightenment you won't need God, because you are one. You aren't. But you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You have a purpose, you are one of a kind, and you are important. Your view point and set of skills and talents will bring to the table something very necessary but the world will try to tell you it isn't. You aren't enough. You're less. Don't believe the lies and remember to pursue joy. Because you can have joy in the midst of sorrow. You can have joy in the midst of things not going your way. You can have joy whether or not you're the best. If there's anything the long journey it has taken us to get to you has taught it's been that pain and hardship can refine you to see with clearer eyes and a more compassionate heart which truly transforms the world around to a more beautiful place. Because your eyes are open to it. Seasons. Friendships. Laughter. Animals. Learning. Music. Books. Literally thousands of other things! Joy is found in the smallest of moments, not only the shiny big momentous ones. So if you look there will be so much of it for you to find. I can't wait to see what kind of things give you joy.
I want you to know that doing your best is better than being the best.
At the risk of sounding like an after school special, I do want you to know about doing your best. It is a competitive world and if you get caught up in being the best (really there are so many things we humans find to compete with each other about! You'll find out about this) If you worry about being the best you will never find peace. Resting in the knowledge that you've done your absolute best is the BEST feeling, haha. You won't have to wonder "what if" or "if only". Sometimes doing your best looks like different things; sometimes doing your best is getting on your knees and praying. Sometimes doing your best is exerting yourself physically. Sometimes doing your best is knowing you can try again and learn from a mistake rather than going to pieces. Sometimes doing your best is to simply be prepared. Sometimes doing your best is having the wisdom to know which battles to fight and which to walk away from. Sometimes it's all of this! When you jump off the performance treadmill (aka others and society's expectations of you) you will find freedom. And it will give you more energy to do your best rather than putting everything into being perfect.
I want you to know it's ok to have both roots and wings.
Oh you don't even KNOW how happy and excited we are to finally have you in our arms and home. It's like Christmas to the one millionth degree! We're going to enjoy the heck out of you! We want you to always feel loved and valued in this family. But we also want you to have the confidence to go into the world and do what you're supposed to be doing. To open yourself to your own life experiences with us cheering you on all the way. I want you to know that no matter where you go there will be this invisible but unbreakable string that ties us together. It's permanent. We are inextricably linked. But the string is as long or as short as it needs to be at any given moment. I want you to know I'll do my best to equip you rather than make your decisions for you. I want you to know I will truly give it my all because I'm so blessed to be your mother.
And for some shorter but still important tidbits;
-I want you to know it's ok if we don't share the same tastes in music or movies but let's be cool about giving each other's "stuff" a chance. Deal? Just say you'll like the Beatles! I mean this is more for when you're older but still. Also tennis. It would be cool if you at least tolerated it. No pressure.
-I want you to know that we might not be rich but we're going to have fun. You're gonna find out soon enough I like to make things fun.
-I want you to know that we really really can't wait to see what your personality is like! You're going to be just what we needed.
-I want you to know that we'll do our best to adapt our parenting to your needs. We'll try not to make you feel like a square peg.
-I want you to know that we love you an amazing amount but God loves you more. And I pray you will love Him too.
-I want you to know we won't be perfect. There will be things you will resent us for probably but then you can just over correct that when you become a parent. It's called the circle of life!
There's so much more that I want you to know. This seems good for the moment.