I keep going through periods of elation then to periods of doubt and extreme worry. I'm so excited this is happening--so excited that I worry it will all be taken away. I know...I just need to have faith and trust the Lord that HE will provide whatever we need in the right time. The first trimester was a breeze, I wasn't sick (just a few bought of not feeling well) and I felt pretty much myself! I know that's a huge blessing because so many are so sick and miserable those first weeks. Now that I'm officially into the second trimester I keep panicking and worrying. Everything went SO well and I felt remarkably UNpregnant that now every twinge or pain sends me into a tailspin! I keep reminding myself to be thankful for every moment we get to be this kids' parents. Truly the one day at a time mindset is what works for me--Lord help me!
Some things I won't want to forget:
At six weeks and 5 days we heard your heartbeat and saw you for the first time! Your dad cried. I was so elated there was a baby in there that I just laughed. Your heart rate was 127 bpm.
At 9 weeks I heard your heartbeat again--184. So fast and strong. Once again, elated that you were in there and doing your thing. Still in disbelief! Shock! Awe!
At 12 weeks 3 days we saw you again and heard your heartbeat. It was 170. You are starting to look like a little person! Who are you even in there? We can't wait to find out.
Your cousins can't wait to meet you. They are really excited about going to the hospital. They love to hear stories of who came when they were born (or borned as Charlie would say) to the hopsital. They are sad they won't get to pick your name. Hah! You are lucky to have so many people who love you already. They will teach you some shenanigans for sure, but that's what cousins are for!
So many friends and family have prayed for you to arrive on this earth. It has been so encouraging to see others excitement for us, for YOU to be here! I hope one day you will know this and let it bring joy to your heart--how wanted and loved you were from the beginning not only by us but God. He loves you even more than we do! It's true and we'll do our best to teach you that every day.
Can't believe you're in there! We don't know yet if you are a boy or a girl--and really either way will be great!
Some verses I've been meditating on:
"Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything" Phillipians 4:6
"Do not fear, for I am with you: do not anxiously look about you for I am your God. I will strengthen you surely I will help you surely I will uphold you with my righteous hand". Isaiah 41:10
"But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior" Jeremiah 20:11
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you" Isaiah 26:3
"You have filled my heart with greater joy" Psalm 4:7
and I think the number one right now is:
"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen". Hebrews 11:1
I can't see you right now, and it's all I can do to trust you're ok. I need to have more FAITH that the God who miraculously created you can keep you safe even though I can't see you and won't have reassurance 24/7. Faith that when the time is right this summer I will meet you! Hang in there little buddy and keep doing your thing. We'll try to keep it chill in the meantime.