Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Life Off the Hook

Herrro! This is me checking in from the depths of my Christmas hibernation nest. The end of the semester at school was a bear--but it's all good because TWO WEEKS OFF. And it's warm out. Wrangling kids has it's pay off. I guess. Hah!

I don't know about you all, but I'm enjoying this holiday season by basically relieving myself of expectations. I've come to the realization that I have the tendency to freak if I feel like I'm not living up to the expectations of myself and others! Wow. I'm still kind of in shock over that realization. How did I not know this about myself, I mean really know it?!  So this season, I've allowed to let go of certain things that just stress me out and left room to do things that are important to take care of myself (i.e. sleep, taking care of the house, spending time with Ted, reading, thinking about goals). I didn't send out Christmas cards. Don't worry though, we're not mad or sad or anything. I JUST DIDN'T DO IT!!!! Next year. But this time around...just...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. My sound bite for the this week is basically the noise you make when drinking a fresh coke. We didn't attend every party. We didn't get every person on the planet a gift. I've just been letting myself off the proverbial hook. And I think right now it's what I need. I don't plan on always living off the hook, but it's working for me right now. Living off the chain is another story ;) Cue lame joke music-wahhh wahhhhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I don't think I realized until we got our issues resolved this past summer how much pressure I put on myself to be perfect. 

I never considered myself a perfectionist, but in my own way I was. I felt like there was this huge important part of my life that I clearly was failing in. I was a huge disappointment. Ted never made me feel that way, but I made me feel that way.  So my flawed thinking was if I can't meet expectations in that area I must be above and beyond in all other areas or I'm worthless. It's so sad to think about it now, but that was my broken thought pattern. And obviously I'm not perfect in ANY area much less all the areas I thought I should be--which caused lots and lots of negative feelings towards myself, God, those around me, and it just so infected everything I touched! Going to the center made me realize I COULD NOT resolve my problem on my own--so there was too many years of beating myself up and being my own harshest critic when I truly just needed help from those who know how to fix that issue. Those ladies are my angels--I'm so so so forever grateful for their help and their continued help to free other people from their chains.

Which brings me to my next point:

Living Free.

Since the summer, for me living free has meant saying no to things to better take care of myself.

It has meant LETTING MYSELF OFF THE HOOK. It has meant knowing what my flaws are and trying to work on them but also letting myself breathe--I don't have to be perfect anymore!

And I want to continue to live free in 2015.  I can't wait to see what that looks like, and to continue to talk about it here on the blog.

What things have been shackling you this year? Are you excited to live free? To live victoriously?

"If the Son has set you free, you shall be free indeed". 
John 8:36 

I hope you all have a truly wonderful Christmas and New Year. I can't wait to see what the year brings, for new growth and new seasons, and just jump on the helicopter and leave this chapter behind! Allons-y!