Thursday, October 9, 2014

Uninspired and Grouchy About It

It's a rainy October late afternoon. I'm feeling grouchy and uninspired and I DON'T TAKE KINDLY to feeling uninspired. Along the vein of Walter Mitty and Anne Shirley one of my main interests is day dreaming. I'm really good at it and it takes up a lot of my free time and it helps me focus my energies on my next project, dreams, and schemes. I love to get lost in something and have things to look forward to, things to be excited about.  Things that make the world I am growing more and more accustomed to feel new.

 I feel like some people find themselves in new beginnings all the time and without even wanting them.  I always have to claw my way into them. Or fight, or scrap, to bring about change. I guess that's just how it works. You want change, it avoids you like the plague. You hate change and it beats down your door and drags you away into the wild unknown.

Lately I've been feeling blah. Nothing is speaking to me and it's like writer's block for life in general. I hate it! I need to get involved in a project. I need to get my creative juices going and create something until it is fun again. I feel like the Home Depot commercial guy needs to come lecture me about "doing" ect. (Seriously though Home Depot Guy some of us are TIRED on the weekends and don't feel like grouting tile or other things we don't know how to do).

I think my brain is simply done with this era of my life. It's ready for something and I don't know what it is yet. I think the comfort zone is suffocating me. I think it's the seven year itch (not from my marriage) but from life in general.

With that being said I realize life is simply sometimes a grind.

Hard work.

Little pay off.

No mountaintop moments.

Going through the motions.





My prayer will be that I can be bold, be open, and brave enough to start something new. To launch out of my comfort zone before it drags me down into 20 years from now.

My prayer will be that my heart can be renewed as I keep running the race, and that my feet can be directed to the right path for this time of my life.

My prayer will be to find contentment in times of discontent and ambiguity.

My prayer will be that I can be moved to action when the time is right.


Perhaps a detox is in order. A detox from pinterest, instagram, interwebbing.  A fast from overloading my brain with input that makes it feel nothing.  BLURGH. I feel like an angsty teen and not in a sexy vampire way!

Hopefully there will be more sass and wit next week and not so much Debbie Downer. 
It's weird but I miss me when I'm not feeling sassy and happy. Are  you there Carrie? It's me, Margaret, your blasé counterpart . Which apparently you call Margaret. Which is weird, but not in any way related to your buddy Margaret, just a riff on the book title. 

Oh Debbie. I love you so much.

Over and out.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Goodbye, September and One Billion Photos

If I don't write about it, I'll forget it. Sad, but true. By write I mean upload a million photos from my phone! If Dickens had an iPhone, would he have had so much time to sit around inking out words? We will never know.  He probably would have just done twitter. #artfuldodger  #ataleoftwoblogs #itwasthebestofblogs #itwastheworstofblogs

This month was crazy. Like as in every moment was filled and crazy amounts of stress, new people, new situations, and a new school year. I feel like my body and mind are trying to slide back into old patterns that were so present during Vaginismus's hey day. How do you train your brain to know it's no longer shackled? How do you keep living after the miracle--when you're ready to keep momentum and are tired of every aspect of your life that reminds you of the dark times?

You take a deep breath. You remind yourself to choose to walk in the light instead of darkness.  You remind yourself all you can do everyday is to be thankful for the gifts you have, to do your best, and to pray, pray, pray.  And leave it all out on the proverbial field and enjoy your nice quiet house with television and cats and whatnot.  And you get your butt in gear and keep moving forward now that your biggest roadblock/challenge is behind you! Self, can you believe it??!!! Onwards and upwards!

To not dwell in the negative and challenges September brought, I'm going to post some happy times that were had instead, because there were so many!

Ok, so apparently I didn't think to organize the photos. Monica Gellar would be so MAD at me and dying to get in here and organize chronologically. But you will get none of that treatment! Here is a quick rundown: Janna and Shawn got married at the beginning of the month so we road tripped out and stopped at Fallingwater (again!) on our way. It was awesome and the Husby got us the tour where I could take pictures INSIDE. It killed me last time to have to keep the camera away. I'll have more interior shots for another day, but today is iPhone only. (Sorry). Then we had the wedding weekend filled with bachelorette party, a police helicopter scare, rehearsal dinner, and wedding.  The bride got me AIRBRUSHED MAKE-UP STYLINGS which has ruined me for the cheap drugstore crap I slap on. Seriously. I kept wanting to pet my face and I never feel that way. Ahhh. Just thinking about it makes me want to go exfoliate my skin until it's I have no pores. ("Zero are the pores on my face" I read the preschoolers a book about zero and it's prose-y way of speaking has burrowed into my brain). Also my hair was curled by a professional and I felt very Duggar-y in a good way!

The following weekend we had a family reunion/picnic and a beautiful place.

The weekend after that we got to see the Johnson's NEW HOUSE and NEW PUPPY!

The same weekend we celebrated Joey's graduation!

The following weekend we celebrated my bro's bday and had a fire in the fire pit.

Also some nature and one random basement shot.

So try to piece the photos together yourself...I'm too tired now.

I wonder what Miss Havishams twitter account would have been called?