I always have this cache of unwritten posts in my head that I want to write about, but really I don't actually write about any of that until the mood strikes me. And then I gotta take to the keyboard to release the pressure valve in heart/head/fingers/soul. Hehe.
I've realized over the last few months (I guess years if you consider the great Facebook deactivation of 2012) is that I get TOO overwhelmed or bombarded by the massive amounts of info I can take in by reading blogs or instagram (also The Great Facebook Deactivation---best decision I ever made!!! Well, internet presence wise). I've been convicted lately that I need to set a time for it and then be done with it, instead of randomly grasping at my phone like it's literally oxygen. Especially now that my life circumstances have changed for the time being and I really could waste (and yes, at some point it's definitely a waste) a TON of time perusing. Especially when I choose it over quiet time, accomplishing actual things, or getting in the way of my goal to write everyday. (Hint--not going well, need to be more motivated AND disciplined. And probably lock up my iPhone).
But something that bothers me almost even more than the time suck I allow blogs/instagram is that sometimes I worry I will lose my voice because it's become too influenced by OTHER voices!!!! I hate how everyone adopts the same cadence of speech, "little original sayings", and pretty much just general points to harp over. Maybe because I follow almost exclusively hipster mommy bloggers, most with pseudo Christian overtones? But no, even the lifestyle/fashion/home accounts tend to be the same way (all in their own different ways of course).
Here are some examples of everyone's individual and unique "voice" becoming one and the same:
1. Right now, everyone is talking bout being "wild and free" and "adventurous" and being part of a "tribe". "So thankful to have found my tribe". "My number one goal is that these people get to be WILD and FREE!" We get it. You're so global and warrior like it your crazy lifestyle of wife and mom. (Both amazing things, don't get me wrong) It's all fine in and of itself but why is EVERYONE talking about that??? I miss 2008, when bloggers talked about their actual lives and showed you what they did on the weekend or what they ate (pre gluten free or paleo times, actual food). There were still lots of pictures of feet in 2008, could have done without that. Everyone in 2008 was more open with the fact they were just procrastinating work by reading and writing blogs. I liked the honesty.
PS. You know what I want my kids to be? Instead of wild and free lets try well mannered and able to occupy themselves when necessary in a safe environment. LOL. But seriously.
I'm pretty sure everyone on instagram wants you to think they are in a Sonoma jeans add circa 1995. Desert. Aztec. Moody vibes (also everyone stop saying vibes about everything!!! Unless you are me or Christen doing it in an ironic snapchat) Kids looking on into the future with misty but all knowing wise eyes, while wearing gender neutral clothing that was more expensive than your own wardrobe. Instagrammers---You know you and your husband watch netflix wearing old navy yoga pants and gym shorts, instead of skinny jeans and flannel. WE SEE THROUGH YOU). ---disclaimer---I do love aztec sweaters and have a problem. I keep buying them. So, see? I'm not above being influenced!
A guideline to life and trends: Everything ever is always a reaction to something that preceded it. Ok? As long as you're aware of that in the next big trend in lifestyle/fashion/way of eating. Just know in the next 3-5 years it will passé you will have to transform your life into something else. We cool? I love when people just own it. "I'm enjoying this wanna be outdoorsy vibe (oh NO see, now I'm doing it!!!) while it lasts but I'm excited to see what I will pretend to be into when the next trend comes around!!!"
2. Grown ladies stop calling your friends "babe". "So glad to be spending time with this gorgeous babe" (posts picture where the actual poster looks gorgeous and prepared for coffee selfies while innocent friend grimaces and regrets not being dolled up). WE GET IT, you're trying to let the world know you're giving other women compliments! You're mindful and thankful and STOPPING TO SMELL THE ROSES. You're little, but strong, boyish, yet feminine!!! With your long lashes and perfect hair but mannish shirt all to suggest what a capable cog in this brilliant world of adorable women you're part of! Again, it's not the actual phrases/outfits/mindsets/whathaveyou's that get to me, it's how UBIQUITOUS they have become!!!!!
"/yoo-bikwedes/ adjective : present, appearing, or found EVERYWHERE".
I try and remind myself that for every coffee I buy there is a mom or lady out there working her fingers to the bone for a better life for herself and her own. And while I'm blessed enough to be able to have enough time to literally photograph a coffee in attractive lighting someone else is drinking gross coffee at work trying to get through another day of crushing expectations and responsibilities. Not sure why I came in with that random guilt trip, but I DON'T KNOW, I just did. I think it's more to encourage myself to quit frittering away time online and DO THINGS. Lol? If I say LOL will you not think I'm a psycho lunatic? Hehe???
(I'm sorry if this post sounds angry--I promise, it's not! I just have to make sense of the things I observe. Maybe others don't care that their voices are one in the same with others in a very carefully curated box they created? It's ok if they don't. I care. About my voice. And I get scared. That my voice will become drowned out due to my own doing by exposing myself to so much, quantity voices over quality voices)
3. Heart eye emoji's. I can't anymore! I know, I've been an offender of this too. But now I can't stand the heart eye emoji's. "All the heart eye emoji's for this _______________". "I'm so silly and have grandma tastes even though the thing I have heart eye emoji for is super popular within my demographic!!! Aren't I so twee?!?"
"Twee: /twe/ Adjective:
Excessively or affectedly quaint, pretty, or sentimental"
Can I just give a scoop of reality to all of us (myself included) that when it comes to online presence a little twee goes a long way. I am a huge fan of Wes Anderson, and for those of you who know me irl KNOW I do love my fair share of all things twee. To the point that if my kids want to wear anything but cords and chuck taylors I know I'll be all kinds of disapointed, haha. (Just kidding??) But I'm reminding myself that in most circumstances, a little truly does go a long way.
So, how does this fit into all my fears and writing and general well being so on and so forth???
I want to write things that when people read they will definitely hear me and not some fabricated wanna-be trying to BRAND MYSELF into something "sellable". It is seriously what 99.9% of social media has become. Sponsors! Partnerships! Giveaways (these things are not bad at all, but I love getting to know the real person "behind the brand"). Hence, when it comes to my blog, my motto is to "blog like it's 2008". When people were just figuring it out and posting unfiltered (for the most part) pictures of their life and SHARING and making sense of their life with words. This blog is 100% for my own rumination and ramblings, but I do so appreciate when my friends read it!!!!
I want to write books (children books, young adult fiction, ect) that are clearly MY VOICE. While of course it's normal to be influenced by other authors, people you admire, I want to maintain what God made me---ME! Don't you love coming across someone that you can tell is your kindred spirit just by reading something they wrote??? L.M.Montgomery, Laura Ingalls, JK Rowling...
Bottom line: I'm going to work real hard to be balanced about input/output when it comes to being creative. I'm going to work real hard on finding my voice and making sure I keep it. (I think I pretty much have found it, but it a little soul searching and effort couldn't hurt).
I struggle between resenting and mocking the affected and the twee and loving it. Because I am a lover of beauty and really enjoy style. Not like, I only like super models or velvet curtains. I do love to arrange things beautifully, dress my house in a way I find pleasing, find clothes that I enjoy and so on. I do love the take pretty pictures and post them. I like the dynamic. But I still want it to be me. To do things because I enjoy them not because I want to be putting of a certain "vibe" (I cannot stop with this now, it's become a real part of my vocabulary which is the exact reason I'M MAKING THIS POST!!!!)
If you read this from beginning to end, hats off! There were no pictures, reveals, dramatic announcements, or giveaways. You basically can say you read an entire book now. Go tell your friends. They might ask what a book is. You can tell them, a really long string of words sans pictures. And there is no like button even!!!! And they'll say: "Ohhh, did it give you all kinds of nerd vibes?" and you'll say: "Yes. Yes it did. Nerd vibes."
all the heart eye emoji's for this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!