Tuesday, August 11, 2015

My Journey Part 3- Finally There!

 I think the most helpful thing I could say to those of you thinking about visiting the Women's Therapy Center is simply to GET THERE.  You've been battling this for months, years, decades. Warrior, once there you are done battling.  You just gotta do what the good doctors tell you--it's no longer solely your burden to bear. Just follow orders soldier. They will help you conquer it, and so so so so SOON you will be doing things you never thought possible. You will be the one in control, not your body.  If you get there, you will be cured! And even though you will be scared (there is not one patient who doesn't enter those doors feeling terrified) each step is taking you closer to living victorious. 
You will feel at home here--this is coming from someone who has feared and loathed doctors with a passion! They will get to know you and figure out your best plan for you. Believe me when I say you are so capable of doing this.  I wish me from 5 years ago could read this. I'm grabbing my own face and saying this to me of the past!!! 

I'll share with you something I don't quite understand myself--this whole beast has been built around a feeling (I know, it's physical too. I really couldn't shove anything in there when trying so so hard even after the "fear "was gone. I know I needed help, a professionals help to teach my muscles to behave...I'm not down playing the physical component in any way).  This feeling that there was a place inside myself that wanted to be left alone because to intrude on it would mean excruciating pain and violation.  But you know what? That place, that thing I was afraid of never existed in a physical way! Being cured, you know your vagina is just supposed to be a passage way that works, always. That place inside you that is you can't be reached by anything physical and so my fear was so unfounded in that way. That place you think will hurt like hell (because maybe your attempts in the past HAVE) really doesn't exist. It's just your body, and it was made to work. You aren't defective. You aren't alone. And there are professionals who are trained to train you to train your mind and body.  Not to say you won't have moments of training discomfort, but it is not this crazy and terrifying pain you feared. "That thing"I learned is called anxiety and it you can't let it win. It's really good at mind games. I could not defeat it on my own. It's ok to get help in your battle.   I don't know if anyone else shares this sentiment but I felt like I needed to write it. I've never told anyone that, and I think people struggling with Vaginismus need to hear realness on the subject.

I really am begging you at this point--if you are on the fence or thinking you can't do it....you so can. Somehow get the money. Your body was made to work!

While there, we ended up having a blast. I know, if you are on the other side you're probably thinking "Yeah right, I'll be hiding in my hotel room and hating every minute". You won't! Take a victory lap around the city, (and the Long Island too!) let yourself have fun. Don't let anxiety (anxiety is selfish and it wants to take all your joy) rob you of enjoying being in a new place with lots of exploring to do. Doctor Ross will help you--directions, suggestions, help-anything. We made friends, I got massages, and I MET ZACH BRAFF. So I have vaginismus to thank for meeting Zach Braff, haha.

Here they are. The real people who are trained precisely to help you. You aren't "the only one who couldn't be cured". You will be. JUST GO!!!! 

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