The Passenger

I love when I have several topics I want to write about simultaneously; and they're fighting for predominance in my head and fingers--which will win out? Or will it just be a mind explosion? Will everything that rises also converge? Maybe if I was more disciplined  I would write all of them, cohesively and separately--work on it even when I'm not "feeling it".  And maybe writing them separately isn't necessary. Maybe some of the thoughts should be thrown together, and see what works. I'll work on the the discipline part though.  I've always felt I needed to write, but I struggle with it. I guess it's like "do I even have what it takes to write?" and I doubt, and then doubting leads to inaction. My most worn out and tired vicious cycle! Well, knowledge is power:) I know my self doubt in any area always leads to inaction. So...here's a little bit of action and cycle breaking for you! (mostly for myself).

So we all have those songs that just stick with us through a certain period of our lives, right? And the song (or songs, album, playlist, ect) comes to concretely represent a grouping of thoughts and feelings, ideologies even. And you get intertwined with it, and attached. And then it becomes part of your story, part of your life soundtrack.

Lately for me, I've been listening to Iggy Pop's "The Passenger". I've liked this song for a long time. Something about the music and lyrics speak to me. And I really like the episode of Anthony Bourdain's Parts Unknown where he gets to hang out with Iggy in Miami. I really resonant with stories of finding peace, or at least becoming comfortable and confident in who you are. Many times this only comes with time, living, and learning through your own mistakes. And the early and middle years are often spent yearning/raging/striving. I mean hello, punk music! It's all about rebellion and in your face-ness! Anyways, in the episode he meets Tony at a health food joint, they eat a light meal and they have a good conversation. (And I'll be honest here, maybe I'm mistaking "inner peace" for "rock star who's brain is kind of fried from years of attending rock n roll high school", but just go with me here). I really liked the fact that when Tony asked him what was a perfect day for him looked like he said sitting on the beach on a hot day being with someone who's company he really enjoyed. That resonates with me in a profound way; maybe because it's not goal oriented but that it's relational oriented.  There is importance about getting right inside and letting that set the tone for your life, or at the very least recognizing things that are of true value. I'm really not trying to sound Yoga Jones on you, promise. Seeing this episode shortly after attending the WTC and being able to feeling peace and hope in the first time in a long time I kinda grasped onto this small snippet--to identify with a 68 year old punk rock king about something so small as sitting on the beach and watching the horizon and feeling something. And allowing yourself to be loved.

You know how I talked about having different topics fighting about which would be blogged about today? I guess I'm gonna try an awkward segue here. In my mind these are both holding hands and make sense.  Imagine a hand coming down from those paragraphs up there and grabbing this new paragraphs fingers, intertwining. Becoming one bigger thought.

Last week Ted had the whole week off. Ever since I decided to be a substitute teacher this year rather than returning to my usual post he has been really great about working, working, working, and then some. Long days, over time, ect. Of course we're blessed he works at a place where he does have plenty of vacation time so neither one of us are complaining here! We have it really good. As in, our needs are met and we have each other---and then some!!! We're fully blessed in so many ways.  I guess with the winter and the not feeling the best, a bit of anxiety was chasing me. I was really missing Ted (I felt like by the time he got home I'd pretty much fall asleep like an hour later lol) and feeling like there was just stuff I needed help with around the house. Like painting the nursery!  Basically I felt like I was wringing my hands but needed a kickstart to do anything. Like a nervous Duracell bunny just going in circles instead of moving forward--I needed a reset. And last week was a really great time of just being together and doing things we enjoy (like doing chores and going out to lunch and watching Anthony Bourdain and LOST and going to the museum and sleeping in).

We're so excited to finally be the three of us, and since we've waited so long I thought saying goodbye to being two wouldn't be hard at all! But I've been having some bittersweet feelings creeping in. Maybe because people keep telling me stories of becoming roommates with their spouse after kids, and barely ever seeing each other. I'm sure this does happen and  you get busy doing right by your family but I guess Ted is such a big part of who I am this scares me. I guess instead of being scared I'll just pray about this transition. DUH. I wish that was always my first instinct rather than doing aforementioned bunny circles.

 Bringing this line of thought up and making it a circle; "The Passenger" is also meaningful to me because one of our MOST favorite things to do as a couple is to drive and listen to music. It is just something we like to do. And I'm The Passenger. The passenger in the song sees beauty and mess and takes it all in.  We've done our driving thing through good times and bad. Heartache and happiness. We just enjoy it. Me because I can take in the world and try and process it. Him because he's physically doing something but also relaxing (and he loves roads...but thats a story for another time, haha). And we're together. We can talk or not talk. We can sing along or hum. My feelings tend to process more quickly this way. And lately I've been playing "The Passenger" at least once when we get in the car to go somewhere. Even the loose harmony on the "la-la's" remind me of how two different voices can make the song/journey better, give it more depth. This song reminds me of that pastime with the two of us. And the bond we have, that loose harmony,  I pray it will only get stronger and more beautiful through this next phase in our journey.


I'm gonna leave this rambling post with some of the lyrics. If you read this post I hope you give the song a listen. It probably won't have the same meaning for you as it does for me...and that's ok. That's what life is all about; we experience similar things and we make them into our own. With different meaning and significance.

Oh, the passenger
How, how he rides
Oh, the passenger
He rides and he rides
He looks through his window
What does he see?
He sees the sign and hollow sky
He sees the stars come out tonight
He sees the city's ripped backsides
He sees the winding ocean drive
And everything was made for you and me
All of it was made for you and me
'Cause it just belongs to you and me
So let's take a ride and see what's mine

Decembering and Such

Right now imagine me being in a white room and looking far away. Then imagine me walking towards you and getting closer closer and eventually knocking on the screen of your computer as if to say "hello? anyone there? I haven't been to this space in awhile!"

I like to think of these posts as conversations between me and different versions of myself. Like if I were to read this a year or two or twelve from now I would be like OH YEAH I forgot about that mindset/idea/joke what have you.

Anyways, on to December-ing:

I love listening to Christmas Carols. Like, it's not Christmas for me without meditating on words from old carols. It's the same year round with hymns. I love the language and how they can just truly help you worship and reflect. I was always the kid looking into the meaning of songs and wanting to know the words. WORDS are so important ! Even if you are down or blue or not feeling Christmas just really listening to the words can bring you such hope and joy.

Here are some of my favorite lines I've been thinking about this year:

"In all our trials born to be our friend"-O Holy Night.   Isn't that cool? He literally came here to help us and to carry our burdens and give us the gift of communion together.

"Joy, Joy! Jesus Christ was born for this! He has opened heaven's door and man is blessed forever more....Peace! Peace! Now ye need not fear the grave, Jesus Christ was born to save!"-Good Christian Men Rejoice. I mean seriously...He came so we could have life! So we didn't have to live by the law anymore, but by grace!

There are so many more, but for now those are some lines that have really beens sticking with me this season.

We went to a Christmas Tree Farm this year, even though we have not one, but TWO fake trees (!!!) we just wanted to roam around and feel warm and fuzzy ect. It was fun! There was hot chocolate, there was FUNNEL cake, there was randimals (aka random animals). There was a teen Mary and Joseph who had a miniature horse posing as donkey who was ACTING OUT majorly. (he didn't like posing). He was brought back to the barn, haha. There were grumpy dads yelling at their kids and wives saying things like "awwww, but it wouldn't be CHRISTMAS if we didn't __________", and teens on their phones, haha. It was rife for people watching.

Here's a few pictures:

 This goat really liked Ted! 

 This one is just plain cute. 

 The rambunctious Lil Sebastian 

Peak n' Peek and Niagara Falls

At the end of August we got to take a little trip! In years past we would have never been able to take a trip IN AUGUST due to my teaching schedule. Usually starting August 1st things begin hot and heavy and I don't breathe again until Thanksgiving. Not this year, hallelujah! A few years we tried doing Labor Day trips and the whole time I would be fielding emails, voicemails, and stress stress stress. It was so fun to be able to get away and not have to worry about what was waiting for me when I got back, haha!

First, we visited a golf/ski resort where Ted used to go with his family as a kid, called Peak n' Peek. I have never met someone who is as sentimental about every single thing from their childhood as he is. I know it's not a bad thing, but sometimes I cannot take another story about the bowling alley or where he took Drivers Ed. (Love you!!!) It's not that I don't ever get sentimental but mostly for me the memories are sufficient, lol. I've found that things are usually better in your memory, when you go back things don't have the same golden hue they did when you were first experiencing it.  When you go back they are just places and they aren't as big as you remember. It's just a place instead of the world as you knew it. And then the ennui sets in. But I digress....This childhood sentimentality worked out in my advantage because we had a lot of fun and I got to go to the spa and spend lots of time in the hot tub, sauna, and pool. Win-win. (He golfed). AND the cool thing about the hot tub was that it was indoor/outdoor. You could literally go through the wall and be inside in the hottub. It was pretty cool weather while we were there and at one point it was drizzling and making the hot tub fog and mist in an amazing way. It was so relaxing! Cool rain, warm hot tub. There were some very bored teen girl life guards there who kept turning the music way down because everyone kept thinking the dial to turn the bubbles on was actually the music volume dial. LOL. They seemed like the most bored individuals on the planet until an attractive male teenage life guard arrived on the scene and then they both lit up like CHRISTMAS TREES. Christmas trees I tell ya! I'm sure its the beginnings of a new CW show called Guarding Life or some other nonsense.

After our quick stay at Peak n' Peek we drove to Niagara. (P n P is also in New York). The drive there was really pretty, we drove through Amish Country and Seneca Nation Reservation. Something AMAZING happened on the way. We turned down a side road in Amish Country that said there was an antique store. While looking for the Antique Store we happened upon a PEACOCK FARM. There were all these peacocks roaming the place and they were selling feathers too! I couldn't even believe my eyes. Now I need to figure out what to do with the feathers we bought. So far I've just been hiding them from he cats so they won't eat them. (I'm pretty obsessed with peacocks since we have a town peacock, whom we love). Incase you were wondering the antique store was closed, but had we not turned down that random country road we never would have seen a barrage of peacocks! (Maybe I should have a peacock farm).


We got to Niagara Falls later in the evening...Ted warned me that the town wasn't that big and wasn't that fancy. You know when you hear about things your whole life, you definitely get an image of what it looks like in your head? The town of Niagara Falls wasn't what I thought it would be (I was picturing a native american inspired Gatlinburg type thing). It was more like, Springfield, Ohio. But Niagara Falls State Park was beautiful. Maybe this is common knowledge and I'm an idiot but I did NOT know there are three different falls and NONE OF THEM are called Niagara?! This blew my mind, hehe. The falls are called Horseshoe Falls, American Falls, and Bridal Veil Falls. We took the Maid of the Mist tour and it was awesome. I'll stop rambling now and a ton of pictures that mostly look the same!

Lush!!! 

Love a good Tudor Style! 

 Yay for ivy! 

 Peacock farm!!!!! 

 The earlier in the day you go, the more chances you have of seeing lots of rainbows:) 

 I kept leaning over the edge of the boat trying to absorb as much mist as possible. I really love mist guys! Hehe. 

 king of the world! 

Meet Me in Montauk

*Edit* 10/9/15 Another post from our "funtivities" while at the Women's Therapy Center. A day trip to the Hampton's and Montauk was perfect to get out of the hotel room




August 2014:

I keep calling this summer, "summer of George". It has been the best summer of my LIFE so far. Isn't that crazy?! I am in love with it and enjoying every moment. I keep pronouncing that I am on "island time" and haven't been beating myself up about this or that. God has really opened the door for us to have a truly enjoyable summer and I'm so thankful! I'll try to break down different fun days into blog posts so I won't ever forget all the amazing, tiny, beautiful, things.

Hamptons/Montauk Recap

Have you ever had a day so perfect you can't believe it happened? I know, that sounds annoying and upbeat but IT'S TRUE I have had many of those days this summer! (This is where I would insert a genuine   #blessed but I'll try not to be THAT upbeat, haha).  While we were away on our trip we took a day trip through the Hampton's and ended up in Montauk. It was a beautiful day weather wise, sunny, mid 80's, low humidity. By the time we got to Montauk there was a breeze and it was really nice to be able to wear jacket on the beach.  (I love the sun but HATE sweating).  The breeze wafted around this floral smell from these pink and white flowers growing every where, there were neat little paths leading you to the beach and things were picturesque to the max.  It really opened up my eyes to the beauty of the North Eastern coast. While I love the south and have enjoyed every beach minute at any beach (Southern California, the Carolina's, the Bahamas, Florida) I gotta say, Montauk MAY have been my favorite?! I think it was the vibe: outdoors and beautiful but not neon and cheap. Maybe it was because it reminded me of Moonrise Kingdom as well. Who knows, but it impressed me and I can't wait to go back.  Maybe because I ate the best crab cakes known to man and want to eat those forever.  *Ok, I looked it up and the flowers were wild beach roses. Man, I'm gonna need a candle of that. Seriously, best fragrance ever.

  We drove through the Hampton's on the way to Montauk and every house looked like Ina Garten's house and there were ANTIQUE SALES AND YARD SALES EVERYWHERE!!!!! We stopped at a church rummage sale and snagged some stuff for FREE as they were shutting it down and didn't want haul anything back inside. I got a black and white old school photo of the Empire State Building  photographed from the top of the Rock, some woven placemats for my table, and some random other things I can't remember. The church was also beautiful and parking was easy (which is always a bonus) in Montauk and East Hampton.

Here are a few million pictures; I will be dreaming of wild beach roses and salt water tonight!

(the church with the rummage sale)